Okay, so today has been a rough one for me thus far. It started with almost getting hit by this dumb bitch in my kids school parking lot. Seriously, if your going to drive like that then leave your house on time. Needless to say I was pissed and wanted to rip her out of her car and beat her ass with a smart stick, but alas I know it would do no good. After all there is no cure for stupidity. If there were, then we'd all be happier. That's not even the just of my morning.
Next stop (and more importantly the point of rant today) the bank. I was there a little early, so I thought I'd be smart and just make an ATM deposit. Should have been the quicker way, right? Obviously with me, NO! I swear some days when I wake up I think there's little demons that purposely plan how they are going to fuck up my day. Anyway, back to my point. Standing in front of the shiny box I looked as confused as a gay man trying to go down on a woman! There were no envelopes. How the hell are you suppose to make a deposit with no envelopes????
Well, as you can imagine, I was pissed. I was literally the crazy woman standing in front of the machine yelling at it, "Where the hell are the envelopes!" Needless to say the lady standing next to me finished her transaction and all but ran to her car. Meanwhile, back on the crazy farm that is Christine my temper was flaring and my confusion was overwhelming me. Finally, after searching I gave up on the damn envelopes. Annoyed and defeated, I went back into my car.
Sitting in my car, I caught sight of probably the only thing that would make me smile thus far. In the car across from me was an older lady. The longer I looked at her the more interested I became. She was chewing a piece of gum. I know that doesn't sound interesting, but trust me it was a priceless moment in my world! Picture a horse chewing hay and you'll come close to my visual. All I can say is I see one of the reasons the phrase "Gum Job" is appealing.
Okay, enough about my inappropriate Cloris Leachman moment. The bank finally opened and I was able to do what I had come to do. Patiently, I filled out my deposit slip and waited in line. Thankfully, there was only the grandma making love to her gum and me, so didn't take too long. When I got up to the window I was finally able to seek an answer to the mysterious envelope fatality.
If you know me, then you know I pretty blunt. So, I just asked the chick, "Am I retarded, cause I couldn't find any damn envelopes in your ATM's?" She smiled and said,"We don't use envelopes anymore." I could tell she was trying to hold in, what I can only imagine was gut busting laughter, bu held it in. Then the light bulb went off. And yes in Christine style, I looked at the lady and replied, "So, I just stand in front of the big shiny box and shove it in your slot?" That's when she about fell out of her chair and I heard the guy behind me start snorting in laughter. Yeah, I felt vindicated after that:) So, I gave her a smile and went back to my car.
And that is my very first (of many more I'm sure) senior moment. (God help the rest of you, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) I couldn't help, but laugh. It's be nice if they had pictures for more retarded folk, such as am I. And that is a typical morning in the life of me. Next time your at the ATM, you bet your ass you'll know where to insert your deposit! The moral of the story is don't ever underestimate the power of a simple box!
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