Do as I say, not as I do??

          I was listening to the radio on the way to take my kids to school when I busted out laughing. It seems Bristol Palin is giving speeches on abstinence and getting paid for it! Um, last time I checked wasn't she the poster child for teenage pregnancy? I mean what does she say, "Hello, my name is Bristol. My mother ran for Vice President and I was a teenage hoe bag!" Sorry, but not buying into it. That's like having Charlie Sheen be head of the D.A.R.E. program! People go for the entertainment, they don't go to listen a damn word she says.  What's next? Is she going to start giving dance lessons?
          And then she got me thinking. yes, I know what a horrible thing to do. Obviously teaching teenagers abstinence isn't working, perhaps they should finally buckle down and get with the times. Yes, I am one of "those" people who thinks the other way. Rather than cram the typical refrain from experimenting with sex speech down our youth's throats, I say "If they're going to do it, they might as well do it right!" Maybe if the same people that taught them to practice abstaining spent more time handing out condoms and birth control, instead of getting caught with their pants around their ankles themselves, things would be a little less hypocritical.
          That's the other thing that bothers me. Why are people so afraid to tell their kids how to excel in that area? Their'd be a lot more happier people in this world, if they didn't have to fumble around in the dark not knowing what the hell they are doing. There's nothing wrong with giving them a little instruction. Oh, to be a sex ed teacher for a day. Now, that would be a job I could really sink my teeth into. Don't know about you, but I practice what I preach and I practice A LOT!!!!

Wings should be clipped!

     Okay, this has been annoying the crap out of me for quit sometime. Shannon and Heather know exactly where I'm going with this. Why are the Kotex companies putting wings on everything? I find it to be extremely annoying. Could be that it's my wine talking right now, but I think even sober I would be just as irritated. I mean I don't plan on fucking flying anywhere in that condition, so it's just an extra pain in the ass. Not everything with wings is a good idea. Red Bull gives you wings, but that's doesn't mean I'm going to jump out of a damn plane! And I don't know if anyone else is as fumbly with their hands as I am sometimes,  but do you know how many I have gone through. They're like band aids. When they stick together your fucked. You end up throwing the damn things away. I think I'm wasting more on that than alcohol and that's just sooooo sad to me. Not to mention I now feel like my 80 year old grandmother wearing a damn diaper. Seriously, I thought I was done with that feeling when I was like two. Not so much!
    One possibility is that these are designed by men. In that case, it makes some sense. Because I think this is their way of telling us to take a flying fuck this time of month. It's either that or perhaps the church has developed this as a new form of chastity belt for this millenium. With all of us sinners out there (And yes I mean me), maybe it's one more tactic to make sure we're ready for that type of commitment. Either way I think it sucks Donkey balls. So, it is my simple request that we have a wingless flight from now on.

Expiration Date on Clothing

You know I see a lot of weird shit when I take my kids to school. It's mostly the interesting ensembles the parents decide to put on. Don't some of them own mirrors? Or maybe think they shouldn't dress like an 18 year old hooker to take their kid to school? It's like their stuck in the past and think they still look good in clothes they wore YEARS AGO! Take the woman I saw this morning. She looked like she was taking her grandson to Kindergarten, (so I'm assuming she's as old as Cher, however she looks nowhere near as good). So, when I saw her Zebra print skin sucking tube top with her equally as suffocating skinny black leggings, black fuck me pumps, and a leopard print purse, I had one of those "things that make you go hmm" moments. Then I saw another parent pass and suddenly I felt over dressed wearing jeans and a sensible top. Her mini dress looked there were two very angry trolls fighting to get out. Sorry, but big girls shouldn't wear form fitting clothes! Like I said, they're stuck in their high school closet. I ask you, isn't there a time limit on certain clothes? I don't know about you, but I don't want to see my 83 year old grandmother wearing Victoria's Secret Lingerie!! That's like walking in on Richard and his gerbal, No Thanks! So, when should they stop shopping in the Juniors section and finally move on to the Ladies or Misses department?

Safety First!

I was on my way home from the gym tonight and mind you it's pretty much the ONLY place I go other than to my kids school, so it is very rare that I even wear anything other than my workout clothes, but that's besides the point. I was stuck behind this old ass woman who had on such thick glasses I don't even think she should be driving, (She looked like Driving Miss Daisy on her death bed) when the light turned green and she just sat there. I tried to use my horn, only to find out it wasn't working, Fuck My Life, right? So, I flashed her dumb ass with my brights! Don't worry I kept my clothes on, this time. Through the mirror I could see shock on her face. She looked as surprised as a priest caught red handed leaving the little boy section at Target! It's amazing to me how many people forget there's people behind them. It's like most people drive with blinder's on. If we fucked like that we'd all be in trouble. Seriously, I think there should be a person at the DMV handing out condoms while he says, "Please Drive Safely!"

What the hell am I doing?

     Okay, so I decided to finally break down and start a blog! I still have a lot to figure out, but like anything else I'm sure I'll figure it out. It'll just take me awhile. Thankfully, I have some great friends who I can bug the hell out of till I figure it out:) Everything is still new and I feel like a nun on her first strip club visit, but hey once you walk in the door, it's hard to walk back out, right? This is going to be an interesting experience to say the least, but what the hell, I'm game!